So, this is what it's all about?

Things Change

2011-10-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

So, two years later...not much has changed, but thing have really changed. Things do that. They change. Time flies, people change, living situations change, jobs change, relationships change, our kids grow up, and money goes faster than it comes in. Well, that's how it happens in my life anyway.

My daughter and I are adjusting fairly well to her father's death, and to my father's death. Honestly, both are missed. But, our lives are moving along. I bought a house in December 2010, and we moved just into the new year. What an experience this has been. I never thought I could buy a house on my own, being a single parent especially. But, I did. And, it has been a tremendous accomplishment. Paying for it is a whole 'nother story. But, so far we're getting through.

I have no idea what's in the future for us, but I do know this....things change.

Spring/Summer Summary

2009-07-29T15:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted here in SIX MONTHS. Wow. I kinda miss it. I kinda miss me.

The past six months have been interesting, to say the least.

I met a guy....thought he was great for nearly three months, he turned out not to be so great, and that was the end of that.

Then, a terrible thing happened to my daughter's father when he had a massive stroke on June 10th, and never came out of the coma. He died on July 1st of cardiac arrest. If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, and others, it has brought on many layers of sadness and relief, at the very same time.

I haven't been watching my weight do anything but climb in numbers for months...over a year, even. It's very discouraging and scary. And, I haven't been exercising for multiple reasons, as well.

All-in-all, I'd say that I'm really not doing very well. But, considering all of this, I don't feel that bad. Huh. It seems like I'm missing something...

What do you think?

How could this happen on my favorite day of the week?

2009-01-30T08:31:00.001-08:00

I don't feel good today.

Me sad.

Life is Good

2009-01-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

My first post in the new year...and we're already 13 days in...how sad is that? Oh, well. Let's just say I've been...uh...busy. And, stuff.

I feel at a loss for words, yet a desire to communicate. Not of my needs, as I am in need of nothing. So, what is it that I need to communicate? I know that I say it over and over, but I truly am grateful for my family and friends. And, I keep gaining more wonderful people into my life, nearly every day. Yes, maybe at a distance, but they can still touch my heart and soul.

I love growing up, and getting older and wiser. And, I'm learning to embrace every wrinkle in my life...to actually appreciate that which made me who I am today, and for each lesson I'll learn for every tomorrow.

Life is good.

A Little Something Nice

2008-12-08T16:03:00.000-08:00

On Friday, I had the nicest thing happen to me.

I went through the drive-thru at Starbucks near the Oregon City Shopping Center. I was a little early en route to work, and wanted to treat myself to an eggnog latte. This doesn't happen very often, and especially not at this time of day. I sent a text to Brian telling him this was the most packed I'd EVER seen any Starbucks. The line inside the store was almost nearing the front entrance, and the drive-thru had a line that wrapped around the building. I was in a pretty good spot, nearing the ordering speaker when I sent the text.

Not bothered at all when I got to the speaker, I ordered a double tall eggnog latte. I noticed what looked like the driver in the car ahead of me struggling to pull change together to pay. Normally, I may get impatient with this, but I was feeling good about treating myself and getting ready on time, etc.

I pulled up to the window, and as I handed my card to the barista, she leaned out of the window to get a little closer to me. She advised me that the lady ahead of me had just paid for my drink.

My face softened, and my head leaned to the side a little..."That's the nicest thing I think I've ever heard of." I was in shock that someone would be so nice as to pay for my drink. The barista smiled big and said, "Yeah, she does that every couple of weeks when she gets paid. It's just a matter of you being in the right place at the right time."

I was overcome with joy at that moment...and I will definitely pay it forward someday soon.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-10T20:41:00.001-08:00

There's no way I can express my gratitude for all who have served for our Country.

This is me, attempting to honor all who served. Thank you!

Beginning of Change

2008-11-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure if it's good or bad, but I didn't really talk to my daughter much about the election this year. She's 8, right? I thought...she's way too young. I'm JUST NOW getting into politics...just a tiny bit compared to others. However, I am ecstatic that the schools are setting such a large example in getting the kids involved these days!

When my darling daughter came home announcing that she was voting for Obama, and gave me VALID REASONS why she wanted Mr. Obama as our new President of the United States...I was thrilled!

Here's a partial essay written by her, just yesterday...

"I hope obama wins becus he is a very good man and he wants the cuntry to be halty and he does not want guns becus he dos not want any merders around and i hope pepol anderstan its not so we cant figth in wars its..."

She's dictating to me now what she wanted to end with...

"...because he doesn't want people getting hurt. And, when he shakes people's hands, it's like he's saying, 'I love you.' And, when he shakes people's hands, he's saying, 'Please vote for me!'..."

I'm very proud of America, and of our new President. And, of my beautiful daughter.

Boys Will Be Boys

2008-11-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

I love my guy friends. I really do. But, I will no longer accept the stereotype that women are whiners. Not that these particular men think that way, or anything...but....

Guys can be such WHINER-BABY-PEE-PEE-PANTS sometimes!

But, I love 'em!

Just sayin'.

2008-11-04T19:20:00.001-08:00

See latest stories on Yahoo! News

Patterns

2008-09-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

Tracing the pathways away from my heart...why are there so many dead ends?

It makes me wonder... some times are more sad than others. There's strength toward the end of each path...and a lesson at each dead end.

Some lessons are the same, pounding my skull as if a sledge hammer. Why, then, is the pain not in my head? Wouldn't it be easier if the pain were there? Would the lesson sink in any faster?

The Hole Inside

2008-08-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

Torture my soul,
Devour my thoughts.
Stroke my radiant beauty-
Fill the void that rots.

To the center of my being,
Deeper as you crawl.
The emptiness envelops you.
You strike out, as if it brawl.

As I feel the rumble within me,
A smile creeps 'cross my face.
For you see, I have been waiting years,
To fill that empty space.

A Random Thought for the Day

2008-08-02T00:01:00.001-07:00

Yes, first impressions are important.

But, so are the second and third ones.

Just Sayin'

2008-07-22T13:49:00.000-07:00

Starting over sucks!

Baseball Never Ends

2008-07-14T14:56:00.001-07:00

When softball and baseball season started this year, I had no idea how it would affect me.

With each and every game, my heart grew more fond of not only the game...but the sense of community and family that it brought to my heart, as well. I haven't felt more "at home" than I have in years. Sitting on the sidelines with my family, cheering on my daughter as she learned the "door knockers" approach to holding a bat this year. Or, cheering on my great-nephew in his orange socks as he tore around the bases. And, the latest was cheering on my nephew, and his dad, the coach, as their team went all the way to the County tournament.

I felt like I knew every player...as if they were part of my family. I felt victory in my heart with every base hit or home run, as well as the sad disappointment with every strike out or caught pop-up.

The season is over for my family...but luckily, it will come around again in the blink of an eye...

I loves me some Christina...

2008-07-11T08:06:00.001-07:00

Road Trippin'

2008-07-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

I had a great holiday/long weekend! ROAD TRIP!

Went to see a friend in Chiloquin, Oregon over the holiday. Had a great time! And, the drive was beautiful. I love that drive in the summertime. Fun, family, holidays, and small towns....that's my idea of a nice time!

On the way home, I took a side trip to Medford, and then north to Canyonville to visit my brother. We had an awesome visit, and I realized how much I wish we'd spent time together when he only lived 15 minutes away, instead of three hours.

Took time to relax on Sunday, after the long drive. I think I might be ready to get back to work tomorrow. Shhhh...don't tell anyone! :-)

What Weekends are Made of...

2008-06-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

Baseball, and creative hobbies turned into money...family, and swimming...laughter and fun. Meeting new people, spending time with people you already know, more family, fishing and fun at the park in the beautiful sun. Oh, and don't forget the short moments of relaxation.

I wish it didn't have to end...

Not Feeling Good Today

2008-06-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

B = belly and throat feel a bit 'off'.

L = legs feel weak.

A = animation is at low levels.

H = happy face turned upside down.

Bittersweet Love

2008-06-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

Standing alone in the drizzling rain, I shivered slightly. I was feeling lonely, almost desperate. I couldn't shake this feeling that had come over me moments before. Upon entering the park, I noticed a woman wandering toward the edge of the sidewalk many feet ahead of me. As she sauntered away, I nearly spoke up…to this stranger in the park…just wanting to be heard.

Why won't people just listen to me? Do I speak a different language? I just merely want to be heard.

I found a bench along the path I walked, and sat down to rest my feet. I was completely drenched by now, having walked in this drizzle for what seemed like miles. As I looked around, all I could see were trees, shrubs, and a small fountain a few feet away. All this beauty in front of me, and yet all I saw was inside my lonely head. So that I could see behind my desperate eyes, I closed them gently, humming the tune of a blues song I'd heard the night before.

I wanted to be in this park forever. Forever not having responsibilities…forever not having to report to work at a certain time, or on any particular day. My head fell back as I imagined life in this park. Imagine who I'd meet along the way. Would they talk to me, or would I have to initiate conversation? Could I just sit here, not say anything, and survive from day-to-day? Of course that's not possible. If I felt alone now, I imagined how lonely I'd feel sitting in the park day after day.

I felt a strange aura around me all of a sudden, but something told me not to open my eyes. Instead, I focused on the feeling of the now steady rain falling up on my face. I concentrated on how it felt as it dripped onto my forehead first, then my closed eyes. Next, I felt the rain envelop my cheeks and mouth, paying particular attention to the feeling it brought as it gently fell upon my lips. It was nearly sensual. I could feel the coolness on my fingertips, next.

I felt a light touch on my cheek, and a man whispered in my ear, "Shhh…you're beautiful…keep your eyes closed, please."

Normally, I would open my eyes immediately upon being told what to do; however, something compelled me to not look. As I felt a gentle touch on my right hand, I was amazed at how unafraid I was right at that moment. He raised my hand up to his face, first resting it gently on his cheek, then eagerly moving it from one cheek to the other so that I could feel the curves of his face with the back of my hand. He turned my hand over, and moved it to his mouth. As he gently kissed the palm of my hand, and down to my wrist, I lifted my head off the bench, and sat straight up. I was feeling uneasy all of a sudden. I should open my eyes…why can't I open my eyes?

I started to speak, and I felt his face get very close to mine. He whispered, "Shhh…don't be afraid. I won't hurt you…" As his words faded off, he reached down and gently kissed my full lips. The kiss felt so sincere and sweet. And, deliberate. Who was this person? Where did he come from? I began to kiss him back. At first slowly, then deeper. I felt the electricity pour through my body, as I heard him let out a slight moan.

My eyes remained closed, to my utmost surprise. I imagined him just as I wanted him to look. My hands began to roam, as were his. I tried to imagine how I'd recognize him if I couldn't ever see him. I felt every detail of his light jacket as it hugged his arms from the rain. I felt his fingers, long and thick. I paid special attention to the fact that his hands roaming my body were not of the normal forbidden parts. He touched the crook of my arm first, and up gently rounding my shoulder. His face came down to rest his cheek upon mine. He reached down with one hand and ran his fingers from my thigh to my knee, resting his one hand behind my knee, as the other hand came up my back and to the nape of my neck. As he slowly and passionately grabbed the back of my head by my hair, he kissed one eyelid, then the other…then moved on down to my mouth. His luscious lips were upon me at that moment, and it felt as if lightening had struck right through the core of my being. I whimpered as he kissed me deeper and more passionately than I'd ever been kissed.

After a few moments of mysterious glory, he began to pull away. He rested his palm upon my upper chest, above my tantalized breasts. He held it there as he whispered in my ear, "I hear you loud and clear…and I'm listening…" Yet, I hadn't spoken a word.

Haiku Thursday!

2008-05-15T11:28:00.000-07:00

The beauty forges
pouring out my soul to you
ahh...it's glorious

On The Run

2008-04-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

Is it something I've said?
Or, something you see?
Why do you constantly run from me?

Reaching out,
I nearly touch your face.
You turn to me, yet continue your pace.

Wait...slow down...
I want to know you.
What you're running from, I haven't a clue.

I'm tired. Be still.
Just hold on.
Let me hold you...your fears will be gone.

Oh, wait...I do know this dance.
Hitting me, as if out of the blue,
It's not me you're running from...it's you.

Missing You, Missing Me

2008-04-10T21:44:00.000-07:00

I miss writing. I miss writing...here.

I'd better take some time for myself in this place.

Maybe tomorrow.

My Year?

2008-04-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

Although I feel better inside than I have in months, the vote's still out on whether this is, indeed, my year.

Hello again.

2008-03-29T12:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in over a full month. I have not been myself, lately. Trials and tribulations are getting the best of me. But, somehow, I still come out the other side alive and kickin'.

They say...what don't kill ya, can only make ya stronger. That's what they say. I believe it, to a certain degree.

I have been dealing with fighting for sole custody of my daughter since September 2007. As of March 20, 2008, a judge ruled that I be awarded sole custody. Paperwork should be signed and it should be in writing as of the end of this month.

I have mixed emotions about all of this. Especially, since it'll get worse before it gets better. If it ever gets better. I won't hold my breath.

I've been happy, sad, depressed, angry...I've felt free, alive...yet suppressed and controlled at the same time. But, more than that, I haven't felt like writing. Although, thanks to Brian reminding me, I have plenty to write about.

Concrete Heart

2008-02-26T14:02:00.001-08:00

Appropriate to my feelings today, I happened upon this along my walk this afternoon. It's the concrete. The pavement. Wet pavement with cracks and patches. Shaped like a heart. Can you make it out? ...nevermind my shadow, or the crappy focus from my phone camera.

I tried to pass it by, but couldn't. It required my attention...as my own concrete heart does today.

Brian was right...this is exactly how I feel today!

2008-02-26T09:59:00.000-08:00

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

I don't know why.

2008-02-26T09:22:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling blue today. And, I don't really know why. Well, I could guess. There's several reasons, but none powerful enough to steal my joy. Brian suggests lolcats. Probably a good idea. Thanks, bud.

More than Tradition

2008-02-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

Happy Black Thursday....er..I mean...Valentine's Day, ya'll!

For all the people in love...make sure your spouse/partner knows you love them, even if it's by giving him or her a card and/or gift on February 14th. It really DOES matter. Life is short, and you only get to enjoy one another for a short period of time.

For all those people not in love...just wait...your day's a comin'. Enjoy the ride until then!

In the meantime, I <3 my family & friends!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys....

2008-02-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

I've been under the weather lately. Not sick enough to stay home and wrapped up in bed, necessarily, but sick enough to where I just don't really care about stuff around me. You know, 'cause I just don't feel good.

Last night after $1 Dinner at the church, we decided to head home instead of staying for class. My sister, my mom and I gabbing away in the car. As I neared home, I decided to run the yellow light at a turn signal....right directly in front of a cop. I spotted the lights on the top of the car just as I was rounding the corner, and thought..."CRAP! Oh, well."

A few yards further, and those lights were flashing. In my rear view mirror.

I pulled over, obviously frustrated. I mean, did he not have anything better to do? Seriously.

I got my license and registration, and poked it out the window before he even made his approach. He looked the registration over, and asked a couple of questions before handing it back to me and proceeded to take my license back to his car. I assessed the situation, and figured if I had to be stopped by a cop, it might as well be this one. He seemed fairly friendly, and CUTE!

He came back to my window, and handed my license back, "Looks like you have a pretty clean driving record."

"Yeah," I replied...still sounding completely uninterested, but looking at him directly in the eye.

He leaned down to see who else was in the car. He asked with a sheepish grin, "So, uh, why'd you blow that light back there?"

I just sorta shrugged, and my mom replied, "We were all just talking...and..."

He chuckled, "Well, STOP talking!"

I apologized, and he sent me on my way. As I pulled away, I joked with my mom and sister about what might have happened if I'd said what I really wanted to say:

"Whaddaya mean, officer? I blow yellow things all the time!"

Women's Intuition

2008-01-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

I was walking downtown today, minding my own business. It was very cold. Blustery, even. I had a hood on my head, and whenever I have it on, I feel as if I have tunnel vision. I looked up, straight ahead, just in time to see what looked like a fairly handsome man walking in front of me. He had on jeans that fit *ahem* very nicely. He had a nice derriere and great thick legs...well, what I could see through the jeans, anyway. He had on a nice t-shirt (is that possible) and trendy shoes.

As I'm writing this, I'm just realizing that he had no coat on. It was freezing outside!

Anyway, continuing to check him out, I noticed a ring on his right ring finger, and wondered if he was married. I made a mental note to check the other hand when I got close enough. I kept a fairly good distance behind him, as to enjoy the view a little longer. Looking at him from top to bottom, I noticed he had a banana hanging out of his left pocket.

Oh, man...imagine the set-up! I want to say something to him so bad! My first thought was, "You're wearin' them jeans!" I love to flirt with strangers. I mean, why not? My next thought, "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to meet me?" Would that not be the perfect pick-up line?? I mean, c'mon! He had a BANANA hanging out of his pocket!

Next thing I know, we're standing next to each other waiting for a cross walk. As I approached, he took a sip of his coffee in his left hand. BINGO! Left ring finger was naked! He was CUTE, too! Buzzed hair...blonde...if you know me...well, you just know me. I really, really wanted to speak to this man. But, something in my gut told me not to. I mean, I talk to strangers all the time. I flirt with strangers all the time. There was no good reason for me not to say any of these great things I wanted to say. But, yet, as I stood next to him, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I couldn't figure it out...it was so....unlike me.

As I walked toward the side entrance of the parole office that I support on an at least monthly basis, I noticed that he had turned the corner, and might be entering the front door of that same building...as a client. I walked into the lobby from the side door and, low and behold, guess who was going through the metal detector! You guessed it....banana boy. He had no badge on of any sort, so I knew he was, indeed, a client. A parolee, if you will.

I couldn't wait to get upstairs and tell Brian my story. I knew I shouldn't have flirted with him! Something in my gut had told me not to say a word.

Later I was helping someone on the 2nd floor, and as I turned the corner of the cube farm wall, I saw banana boy...IN HANDCUFFS, being arrested.

I'll never doubt my gut again!

Something Missing

2008-01-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

I failed to mention some HUGE news in my last post. There could be multiple reasons for this, and you'll know all of them as soon as I finally spit it out.

I bought a brand new car on January 4, 2008. A 2008 Nissan Sentra, dark gray in color. It had FOUR (did you just see that?? FOUR!) miles on it when I bought it.

One of the main reasons I needed to get a new car, although, honestly not the only reason, was because I put close to, if not more than, 100 hundred miles per day on my car.

This past Saturday, while hanging out with Brian, my car hit the 1,000 mile mark. He told me that I HAD to blog it. So, check it out!

This WILL be my year, dammit!

2008-01-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

I'm just noticing that I haven't blogged at all this year. Kinda feel like I have nothing to talk about. Or, maybe it's just that I'm avoiding talking about things. I dunno.

I could talk about in the past few months, I have been busy "falling in love" with a man from freakin' Minnesota. A friend once told me this about long-distance relationships, "You pine for them, which makes you feel all great and stuff, and then it just ends." Yep...that pretty much sums it up.

I could talk about my washer finally going tits-up in the middle of a load full of, ya' know, clothes and WATER. About how I had to load all my soggy clothes into a green garbage bag and spend most of one evening at a laundry facility this week.

Or, I could describe the array of colors on clothes from an additional load of clothes washed on said evening...from color crayons left in the pocket of my daughter's sweat jacket. And, mind you, I didn't noticed until AFTER the clothes were fully dried.

What else...what else...hmm....

I guess I could talk about how much fun I had on New Year's Eve. Man...that was fun. I'd better not talk about it in this forum. Hehehe.

I could talk about how much fun I had last weekend while attending a sing-along version of Grease. So fun! And, accompanying me were two of my besties....which only made it better. After that we went to a bar where we saw two live bands....Drunk on Power and Tragedy Andy. Both bands put on a great show!

So...apparently, I've been avoiding blogging. My sincere apologies.

More fun to come in 2008, kids...hold onto your hats!!

Good Riddance 2007

2007-12-31T07:44:00.000-08:00

You know...you've honestly been mean. There have been some good times, yes there have. However, to be honest, I'm just going to have to say goodbye. I no longer want to have anything to do with you. Please go away, and never come back.

Buh-bye.

Christmastime

2007-12-27T13:42:00.000-08:00

I was worried about Christmas this year. With dad being gone, and all. Overall, I'd say it went pretty well. Dad was definitely missed, but we were still able to have a nice Christmas without him.

Our family Christmas was very nice...we all got along great, considering. And, it was only just a little frustrating with the kids running around screaming. No problem!

I will admit, though, that Christmas Eve, for the most part, sucked. I remember being alone last year for Christmas Eve...and, this year was the same. I cried most of the day. Feeling sorry for myself, of course. But, it was what it was. I don't wish loneliness during the holidays on my worst enemy.

The topper was having a WHITE CHRISTMAS! Even if it only lasted an hour or two!

I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a new year. This past year hasn't been the greatest. I know there are things that were good, it's just hard to see them through the crap! ;-)

Onward!

Hey!

2007-12-16T20:05:00.001-08:00

Remember me??

Yeah, I vaguely remember me, too.

My life's pretty out-of-control right now. I'm hoping that after the holidays, I'll be able to decompress and get back in gear. I know, I know...you're saying, "Why wait?"

Just because.

Okay?

Catching my Breath

2007-12-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

The program went really well. Off without a hitch on Saturday night. Sunday night...not so much. There were definite hitches. But, all-in-all, we did great. And, although it's well worth the time and effort, I'm so thankful it's over.

In other news, I'm crabby and tired. And, don't feel very well. Go figure.

I'm looking forward to decorating for Christmas in my apartment this evening. I should have a post up soon about that, if nothing else.

Peace on Earth

2007-12-03T14:55:00.000-08:00

I've been busy rehearsing for a Christmas program. I'm in the choir, and I love it.

We perform next week, December 8th & 9th at 6 p.m. Come one, come all!

Thanksgiving Unlimited

2007-11-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

My Thanksgiving was actually pretty nice, considering. I think it was helpful that our family was mostly all together. Great food, good times, kids running all around the house, loud talking and loud laughing, BINGO!, and booze...had by some.

See, I have a very interesting extended family on my sister-in-law's side. Great people...funny...and interesting.

We laughed a lot, but the funniest part, by far, was when my sister-in-law described how she gets her beautiful and funny, yet annoyingly drunk sister to be quiet....she spikes her drink with a SOMINEX!

OMG! I thought that was the funniest thing I'd heard in a very long time. Somehow the sister didn't quite appreciate my finding SO much humor in the situation.

Oh, well.

Good times, good times...

Happy Thanksgiving, Ya'll!

2007-11-21T09:09:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year....the holidays have begun. It's been a pretty rough year for me, and for my family. And, although I could definitely be sad, I also have many things to be grateful for and about. Many.

I hope you can see yours, as well.

One step forward, three steps back

2007-11-21T09:07:00.000-08:00

Just when you think you've learned a life's lesson, another one smacks you right in the forehead.

Isn't that lovely?

Inner Strength

2007-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

Broken promises, broken dreams.
Broken life, so it seems.

My heart aches for more,
Floating through the clouds, I want to soar.

It feels so close, as if I can touch;
then reality sets in, and I'm crushed.

Faith the size of a mustard seed.
Changes...complications...situations impede.

Time and time again, I stand up strong.
Broken promises, broken dreams...all along.

Okay, okay....

2007-11-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

Apparently, I haven't blogged for EIGHT DAYS.

This is my first post of November. Okay, it's been too long. I get it.

I've been trying, as I might, to figure out what to write about. What do you do when there's so much to write about, but nothing to write about...at the very same time?

I could talk about how I love meeting new people, yet I hate being nervous when having a first meeting. Isn't that sort of a contradiction? That seems to have been a theme for me lately. I'm a walking contradiction.

I'm complicated, yet simple.
I'm happy, yet sad.
I'm content, yet insatiable.
I'm humble, yet egocentric.

And, the list goes on.

And, I've recently met two people who have noticed this about themselves, as well. I think it's good when you can a) notice these things about yourself, and b) when you can actually admit it.

Or, I could write about how I've been busy with practicing second soprano in the choir for our annual Hanging of the Greens Christmas program coming up December 8th & 9th.

What else...what else...um...hmm...how about how thankful I am that some stress has been relieved regarding some of the personal matters I previously mentioned.

I could also talk about how it's been several days, if not a full week, since I've seen my good friends, and I miss them.

Or, I dunno. I should write a poem or something, huh?

Stay tuned.

This made me giggle...

2007-10-31T08:33:00.000-07:00

Always proof your kids' homework!

Lesson Learned

2007-10-29T13:57:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had someone ask to borrow something from you, and after you trusted them with it, they didn't give it back?

For whatever reason, I let someone who I thought was a "friend" borrow my camera. True, he hadn't really done a lot to create a substantial "friendship", so I should have known better...but I let him borrow it anyway. I fully trusted that he would return it, just as he said he would.

He didn't. And, I take full responsibility for my part.

I panicked. I threatened him. I panicked again. I bugged him. I tried to set up a meeting to get it back. I bugged him some more. And, then he left town. For good. I felt very, very sad and very, very stupid for having let him borrow it in the first place. I got very, very angry. And, then I decided it's just a thing. It's not life or death. It's just a thing. But, I worked hard for that thing. And, it was mine.

I have no idea whether he lost it, broke it, if it was stolen from him, or if he's a thief.

It doesn't really matter, at this point. I have to get another camera. But, I want to get over it for good. I thought I'd better talk about it, so I can take that extra step of forgiving and forgetting.

You Want Balls, You Say?

2007-10-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

B arely awake this week, due to a certain computer game (Goober's Lab) from here keeping me up too late. Along with the addictive challenge of computer games, is the lovely entertainment provided by my pal, Sugabear over at KZON 101.5 JamZ.

A lternating moods lately, varying daily. Possibly even hourly. Seems to have improved with most recent regular exercise again. Shhhhhhh....don't tell Tracy, or she'll STOP!

L oony. Yes, I'm loony. Why? As a matter of fact, I do speak in the third person frequently. Just ask Brian.

L aughing at myself. Yes, I crack myself up. And, at least I can laugh at myself. I know Wecker can. Can you?

S ecretly wishing I was participating in the activities from item #B (see above)...right now, and forever. Thankyouverymuch.

Drowning?

2007-10-11T19:35:00.001-07:00

I'm having some trouble right now. There's a lot that is wrong, but there's a lot that is right at the very same time.

The best part is that I can see good things coming my way. Interesting that I could feel so down and nearly crushed when I'm so close to the surface. At any rate, I'm running out of oxygen quickly.

As a brilliant young lady puts it, "All is well. All will be well."

Freedom and Power

2007-10-02T20:53:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile, but tonight I stepped back onto my treadmill. And, I felt like running (well, really it's a jog for me)...so I did! And, it felt so delicious.

Not only was it delicious FREEDOM, but it was delicious POWER!

I've been down for a few days. It still amazes me...the power of endorphins. Bitter-but-oh-so-sweet endorphins.

Summarize Lovin'

2007-09-28T22:32:00.001-07:00

It seems like it's been so long since I've blogged. I guess eight days isn't that long, but still. And, I guess that depends on whether you count me posting a quote, written by someone else, that I can totally relate to as a real post.

I read all these great posts here, here, here, and here...and it makes me want to come up with something deep and thought-provoking....yet nothing comes to me.

There is so much going on in my life right now, I cannot even begin to describe the emotions surrounding it all. Some of you know the circumstances, but most don't. It's all too much to describe...well that, and it's a bit personal. Not that I haven't been personal here in the past, but...

Oh, well. Another time. A good summary post would be nice, eh?

Good Reminder - Quote of the Day

2007-09-20T08:01:00.001-07:00

"The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within."
– Mahatma Gandhi

Shout Out

2007-09-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday, a friend of mine who doesn't normally work at my office was here doing some business. While she was here, she decided she wanted to have lunch with me. And, having lunch with me consists of a three mile walk, these days.

About half-way, my friend notices that she'd lost her earring somewhere along the way! She rejected my suggestion of turning around at that point and walking the other half the same way we'd come. No, she wanted to keep going, all the while mentally kicking herself for not having taken it off before heading out for our trot.

Naturally, when I talked to her on Wednesday, she asked me to look for it if I walked again. I indeed walked again, and looked for it. However, there was no sign of the seemingly easily spotted earring.

Today, however, as I was heading out the door to begin the usual walk, I looked up and said a little prayer, "Lord, I would sure love to find that earring today. Just sayin'." As I walked along scouring the ground, I was hopeful that I would find the earring. Back and forth my eyes explored the path, only looking up once every blue moon to make sure the was nothing in my way while walking at a fairly strong pace.

Believe what you will, but I don't believe in coincidence.

Just as my determination was beginning to falter....I'll have you know, I found that earring on my walk today!

AND

At about mile 2, when I was just contemplating the pros and cons of exercise, ShuffleSexy* served up the best songs to get me through, starting with this one. Almost to the finish line, this little number, by one of the most spunky/determined Country singers ever, pushed me home!

Coincidence? I think not. Yep, today is a good day!

*Shout out to Brian for originating the name, and allowing me to carry on with it.

Losing Sight of my Dreams

2007-09-10T13:04:00.000-07:00

I'm lost....won't you help me find my way?
It seems like a struggle each and every day.

Like Dorothy, spun from her humble abode,
Traveling down the yellow brick road.

Yesterday's gone...over...done.
Will my tomorrow ever come?

Always searching, reaching, trying...
Each embrace leaves me wounded, and crying.

Memories linger around every turn,
Tossing them to my desire, they burn.

Flames arise, as if to the sky,
Just to fade as the hours creep by.

I am lost...won't you help me find my way?
It's a constant battle every day.

Quote of the Day

2007-09-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

"A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it's an undo-it-yourself project."
– Abigail Van Buren

Dammit, anyway.

I follow directions well.

2007-08-31T09:46:00.000-07:00

In a comment on my previous post, I was asked to describe my perfect day, and to be as descriptive as possible.

I find that I follow directions well, and am especially up for a challenge, nearly always. You know, I wanted to blog yesterday, but couldn't think of anything meaningful to write about. So, now....NOW, I have something meaningful to write about. Thank you, Wecker.

As I was walking to the cafeteria this morning to get my breakfast, I began thinking of just exactly what my perfect day might look like.

Would it be me and my favorite guy on a sandy beach in the middle of nowhere with the only people around being scattered travelers minding their own business and a cabana boy named, Raoul (thanks, Brian!), bringing drinks, and whatever else we wanted, with a snap of the finger?

Or, would it be a day with my girlfriends, if money were no object, where we would shop endlessly, eat heartily, and make time for a chick flick, all via limousine, of course?

However, then came the guilt...I'm feeling selfish. The things I've thought of so far don't include my daughter at all. Or, any of my other friends or immediate family.

Maybe a day at Disneyland with my daughter, some of my most favorite friends & family, AND my most favorite guy....and, hell, we'll bring Raoul with us! But, of course, my daughter, and the rest of them would be on best behavior, no doubt.

To sum it all up here, my perfect day would include all those things....sandy beaches, drinks, great food, shopping, my daughter, family, friends, movies, and fun. Not necessarily in that order. And, money would be in abundance. But then, that day would be over. And, reality would set in. Money is an object. I can't do all those things in one day. But, I can, if I choose, do those things over a period of my lifetime.

And, I will. Eventually.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack....

2007-08-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm back from vacation. I had an awesome time. My friend, Kim, is the best hostess in he world, and I got to relax and do nothing for four straight days. That's what a "real" vacation is all about, in my book. :-)

Time to get back to work, back to fitness, and back to eating healthy. Wish me luck!

Neener-Neener-Neener Part Deux

2007-08-22T15:25:00.000-07:00

I get to go on vacation. Woo-to-the-Hoo! It's a mini-vacation, but still. A few days at a friend's house, relaxing, is my idea of some serious vacation-a-ria!

Sunny Beaches

2007-08-21T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm so grateful the weatherman was incorrect for our day-trip to Seaside on Sunday. It was beautiful.

Government Workers Unite!

2007-08-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Woo-hoo! I kicked ASS today at work! Who says government workers don't work?

Happy Anniversary to Me!

2007-08-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a year today since I've been watching my weight. This time last year, I started paying attention. Soon after, I began using the best FREE online diet program ever and exercising 3-5 times a week, or more. I'm still going. I've lost 45.7 lbs., and just figured out that I hadn't compensated for the weight lost, and have been eating too many calories. I promptly addressed that problem, and hopefully will begin seeing results again fairly quickly. Yay me!

Pur-dy Pictures

2007-08-13T14:59:00.001-07:00

Click on the pretty picture if you'd like to see the rest.

What's the hype about?

2007-08-13T13:43:00.000-07:00

So, I found out a little about what the "hype" is all about this weekend. I went camping. This was the first time I'd been camping since I was about 22 years old. That was a LONG time ago.

I went to visit a friend, Dwayne, who is the camp host for Trout Lake Creek Campgrounds. The grounds were lovely, and the people were friendly.

Friday night was fun just hanging out with Dwayne, and the recent friends he'd made at the site. Good friend, Dave. A guy we both found that we could seriously "hang" with. He was extremely smart - seemed to know everything about everything. Our company for the evening included Dave's wife and kids (teens or older). Good friend Dave had tons of stories, most of which were extremely exciting or funny...or both. Dwayne has some great stories himself. He's a bit on the wild side, so exciting would be one way to put it. But, he's extremely funny to me, as well, so you can imagine the entertainment I had for the evening.

Saturday, after breakfast, we headed up to Sleeping Beauty for a hike. Dwayne had warned me that it was going to be hard, but that I could do it. I was so very nervous, as I haven't hiked much in my life. When we were nearing it, and he pointed it out, I about had a heart attack. It was SO HIGH. To make a long and grueling story short, I made it almost to the top. There were some large rocks at the very top that there was no way I was climbing. It was bad enough that I had a panic attack when I finally reached the end of the actual trail - very near the tip top. I started in on the rocks so I could say I did it, but, my fear of heights got the best of me. I simply couldn't do it. More panic, and then tears. Dwayne was nice about it, and didn't tease me too much. But, instead headed to the tip top to carve his "signature" once again. This was his sixth trip up there. I sat down where I'd been and relaxed. I was able to enjoy the view at this point (as best I could with the whole fear thing). Eventually, the panic subsided and I enjoyed the true beauty. When I stood up, I could see all four mountains surrounding us - Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rainier, and Mt. Adams. Just as I was finally relaxing, Dwayne bound toward the edge of this mountain (over 4,000 ft. elevation, by the way) with uber-speed and freaked me out. Several times. He literally climbed down on the rocks on the sides of this humongous mountain. He had informed me over and over, all weekend, how he was a ninja. I'd swear I believe him, too. At any rate, I was definitely proud of myself for the accomplishment of climbing that sucker.

Saturday night, after dark, we headed up to Flattop Sno*Park to watch a meteor shower with Good friend Dave and his family. It was a great time of laughter, learning, and watching a slow-to-go show of shooting stars. (Note to self: Star gazing in a huge lot at 2600 ft. with wide open sky and funny people is a great experience.)

Sunday morning, sitting around the campfire, I did some reflecting of the past two days, and wrote down my memories. I had so many, in such a short time. Memories I'll hopefully never forget. Funny stories, and hilarious side comments about those very stories. Interesting music that opened my mind and allowed me to see a culture I'm unfamiliar with. Things I enjoy about Dwayne, his stories and his company (even though he's a tad bit crazy - but adventurous and fun, no doubt). It was definitely an adventure for me. A whole different life than I'm used to. It was awesome to get away....from the phone, the computer, the television, etc., and live the life of campers who figure out how to survive, and then some, with no electricity.

In the afternoon, we headed up to Langfield Falls for a very easy hike - I wouldn't even call it a hike, to be honest. The falls were beautiful, though. Mother Nature is a true wonder. There was a crazy guy jumping in and out of the falls. The reason he was crazy is because it was FREEZING water, and not that warm outside either. After that we went for a long drive, which included heading to the top of Flattop Mountain...another memory I'll never forget. Scared the beegeezes out of me!

All-in-all, another great weekend.

Blue on a Tuesday

2007-08-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

Turmoil inside.
Feels like a whirling wind, taking over.

Tears stream.
Feels like a slow leak of heartache.

Aching.
Every beat feels like swelling.

Release.
Words come to me, but don't feel adequate.

Everyone hurts. Sometimes.

Pictures from a Lovely Sunday

2007-08-06T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh....lovely weekend.

2007-08-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

I had an awesome weekend.

Friday night I went with a friend to see I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. I liked it. It was a typical Adam Sandler movie (which I love, by the way) where you're laughing hysterically one minute and crying the next. Literally. My favorite kinds of movies, above all.

As my previous post said, we went to Barton Park for a Birthday party on Saturday - that was very nice. Even though I was in a very crabby mood most of the day. After we got home, I went for a long walk/jog - 4 miles - 2 jogging and 2 walking. It was lovely. I hadn't jogged in over two weeks, so that felt good to get back to it.

Sunday was a nice day. Started out gloomy and rainy, but ended up very lovely. After church, I took my darling daughter for a nice lunch at Tebo's, which was delicious, as always. And, then headed up north and east for a date. We met at the Bridge of the Gods, headed to Beacon Rock for a hike (which kicked my butt!), and then went for a long drive. On our way back, we stopped near Bonneville Dam to sit near the water and enjoy the outdoors. He was a perfect gentleman, and made me feel safe. That was appreciated. The drive there was beautiful, and the drive home, at dusk was even better. Made for a great day!

Beautiful Day

2007-08-04T17:24:00.001-07:00

Today is turning out to be a beautiful day. The morning was overcast and chilly. We headed to Barton Park for a Birthday party around 10:30 a.m. I wore shorts, just knowing it would warm up sooner. However, it seemed like it took forever to warm up...and I was freezing most the morning. I even had a big jacket on most of the day. Funny. It's much warmer now, in my apartment...especially with the dryer going.

I'm actually feeling a bit under the weather today. Not sure if it's hormones or if I really am coming down with some sort of bug. At any rate, I'm hoping to get some extra rest tonight.

Happy Saturday, everyone!

Questions from a Pondering Soul

2007-07-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

Why didn't life come with instructions?

Why is it that no matter how much attention we give or receive, it's never enough?

Why do we wait for the other person to cave first?

Why do people hurt one another, when it seems to be on purpose?

Why does the apple not fall far from the tree?

Why does the money usually run out before payday?

Why is it so freakin' hard lose weight, and even harder to keep it off?

Why is parenting such a struggle?

Why can't things just be easy?

Why? Why?

Great Day for a Walk

2007-07-25T12:47:00.000-07:00

Today is a beautiful day - a great day for a walk! I accidentally left my Shuffle at home, though. Oh, well. Off I go. It's been awhile since I've walked or jogged. I was feeling the tug of guilt I often get when I have been slacking.

As I walked, I enjoyed nature and the beauty that surrounded me. The sun was shining beautifully, with a slight breeze so that I cooled off every now and again. The sounds of traffic, loud music, dogs barking, passers-by out for a jog or a bike ride, etc. Random thoughts running through my mind.

I'm feeling a little down today. Can't put my finger on it. I think I'm just tired. I hope some additional rest will help tonight.

Boring

2007-07-16T09:38:00.001-07:00

I had this great idea to seek a picture that reflected my feelings of boredom today.

As I was poking through the pictures on flickr of bored looking animals and/or people and pictures taken out of boredom while people were at work or lonely at home, I found this one. And, at least it made me laugh. That's some serious boredom. And, I can totally relate!

Well done. Enjoy!

The Way to a Better Soul

2007-07-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

Someone, somewhere said that cleansing is good for the soul. I'd have to agree.

Saturday, I had a free day. Did you hear me? Completely free! Which, if you know me, doesn't happen very often. In fact, hardly ever. And, to top it off, my day started out sorta gloomy. I felt the sudden urge not only to clean, but to purge, if you will. Out with the old, in with the new.

I recently bought a new Dell computer (yay for tax write-offs!). My desk and office space are set up in my bedroom. So, I've got this sweet monitor and beauty of a computer gleaming on my newly cleaned off desk, yet a huge mess EVERYWHERE ELSE. See, the new is in, but the old is still there.

And, by old, I mean at least two years old...since I moved in...there were things that I hadn't unpacked yet. Pictures and decorations for my bedroom not yet hung. I also had some new clothes in smaller sizes, since I'm slowly shrinking (yay!), that needed to be hung. I went through my closet as well. Four large green garbage bags later, my closet is cleaned out of most of the larger sizes I'd acquired over the years. I was texting Brian most the day, and he suggested I be sure to keep at least one outfit of the larger size so that when I reach my goal weight, I can take a picture wearing the old stuff. Sounded like a good plan to me. My favorite jeans that literally fall off me (but I wear them anyway because they are, indeed, my favorite!) were in the laundry anyway. They're safe...and will be back in my closet shortly.

To make a long story not quite as long, of the three sides of my bed available to be clean, only one is clean. And, it took me most of the day to do that. I still have two other sides to do; however, that'll have to wait for more time, definitely, but more space would be nice too. I guess I have to figure out how to fit everything I have into the small space I have to work with. I may need to call in the troops (not the US Troops, silly).

It felt good to get even that little bit done. And, I would say my soul is better for having done it.

Quote of the Day

2007-07-03T13:36:00.001-07:00

"We are, each of us, angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other."
– Luciano Decrescenzo

Beach Quest - June/July 2007

2007-07-03T09:38:00.001-07:00

My mom, Cierra and I spent the last few days in Lincoln City at the Coho Inn. A very nice place to stay, and the view was fantastic.

We had a wonderful time relaxing, shopping, eating tons, swimming, and playing on the beach.

Happy Anniversary mom & dad. I wish dad were here to celebrate it with you, mom. He was there with us in spirit, if nothing else.

Ooops!

2007-07-03T09:36:00.001-07:00

Scratch that last post. Um....nevermind.

Apparently, I was a little too happy.

Life goes on.

Early Morning Goodness

2007-06-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

As you lie there sleeping,
I imagine the stories
behind your eyes.

Stories of monsters
and demons, or
are they stories of happiness and love?

My heart expands,
not only with a deep breath, but sweet relief.
A smile gently creeps across your lips.

Your kind heart and soul,
are like a breath of fresh air.
Leaving me still...and happy.

Delicioso!

2007-06-25T15:07:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have those days where EVERYTHING you eat tastes EXTRA delicious?!?! Today's one of those days for me.

Missing You Already

2007-06-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

My good friend, Lori Nelson, passed away this past week. I'm not even sure of the actual day. She lived alone, and had a brain aneurysm. She wasn't yet 60 years old, and she was an awesome human being. She was many things, but here are a few things I will always remember about Lori:

She was short and sassy, and could pack a punch! She was an ex-Marine, and you'd never know by her sweet demeanor...but, by all means, don't make her mad!

She liked everything in her life just-so. Her hair and nails were always just-so. Her clothes were always just-so. Her cars were always just-so. Her house...ahhh...her house was always just-so. Pretty much everything about Lori I remember to be beautifully just-so.

A heart of gold, and so loving and giving, Lori was expressive about everything. We connected on a certain level of emotion, as we were similar in the areas of expression, passion, and love. Lori wasn't always treated with the respect and love she deserved either, and especially by men. I think Lori just didn't realize what a gem she really was.

Lori was most known in our church for signing (expression of music via sign language) so majestically during worship songs, as well as for special programs. We often told her she missed her calling - she should be paid for doing what she loved so much. It was so awesome to watch her give praise to the Lord using her arms and body to translate the music and words. I hope she realized how much this gift touched each and every one of us.

There's so many things I'm missing. But, I'm too sad. I will miss Lori. Very much.

Apparently, I'm a Flirt

2007-06-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Brian and I were walking down the sidewalk on our way to Portland Running Company. We were nearing a scruffy looking guy scrubbing up a cherry red Volkswagon. It was a hot day, and he seemed to be working hard, and sweating. I was noticing how pretty this car was, and even more so with suds and water sheen. As we walked by, I couldn't resist:

Me: "Wanna do mine next?"

Guy: "Yeah, right."

Me: Chuckle.

Guy: Almost snidely, "$30 bucks an hour!"

Me, to Brian: "He's only a little bitter."

Brian: "You're such a flirt."

Overheard Today

2007-06-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

There was a 20'ish year old girl talking to her friend, who was also around the same age. She was describing a wedding she'd attended this past weekend. As she was describing the bride throwing the bouquet to yet non-brides, she says this:

"So, eventually, she basically threw it right at the Maid of Honor. She's this really old girl...like in her thirties, and not married yet!"

What-EVAR!

Just Seen

2007-06-18T13:36:00.001-07:00

I saw Ocean's 13 this weekend. Great flick. Not as great as the first, but still better than the second.

Who Knew?

2007-06-18T13:32:00.000-07:00

Imagine this....a relationship in which you are adored; treated with respect; talked to as if you were actually human; able to talk things out (without using curse words, even) in a single bound; and actually hear an apology without asking for one.

I have encountered this for the first time in my life. Nice. And, no...I'm not kidding.

Figures

2007-06-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I knew I shouldn't have blogged about him. Jinx....joke's on me.

Food for Thought

2007-06-08T08:20:00.001-07:00

There was this man on the street. He was wandering about aimlessly, as if he didn't really have anywhere else to go. He appeared to be dirty and unkempt. He stopped ahead of me, and turned around. He stepped back, as if to allow me pass him, and gave me a warm smile as I walked by. Just before I passed, he said, "Good day, ma'am." I thought to myself, 'He sounded almost chipper. What for?'

Today was a day, not so unlike many others, in which I was a bit irritated. Things didn't go quite as well as they could have. I was running late, my hair didn't turn out just how I liked it, my daughter was fighting me to get up, traffic was horrendous, etc. You name it, it went wrong.

I find that often times, when things don't go my way in the morning, my day is off to a bad start. I am irritated at the slightest discrepancy in my schedule or plans. What's that about? Control? Am I really THAT anal?

Here I am, a strong woman with dreams and goals, a great job, a beautiful daughter, many wonderful people in my life, including lovely friends and awesome family. I have a car, a warm place to rest my head at night, and everything I really need.

Why is it that a man who has what appears to be nothing can be so much more thoughtful and kind than someone with everything they could ever need?

Do you really want to know?

2007-06-06T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I want to gab on and on about the new man in my life. But, it's so hard for me to actually talk about. We're still early on in the dance, but so far I'm having a good time. I like dancing.

I have discovered that some past experiences have really affected the trust that I have in myself and in my decisions, particularly in matters of the heart. All I know is that I want to be healthy...physically, mentally, in my relationships, in my career, etc. (mostly in that order, too). Life serves up some doozies...but I want to be able to roll with it, and come out a better person in the end.

So, in case you've been wondering if there's "stuff" going on with me...there is. But, it's mostly good stuff. Except when it's not.

Did you really want to know?

Why?

2007-06-04T14:14:00.001-07:00

Why does everything have to be so freakin' difficult?

HUH???

Update...I guess...

2007-05-26T08:26:00.001-07:00

I have a party today. It's been a long time. I'm having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. On multiple levels.

Does blogging count if you just keep saying the same thing over and over? Just askin'.

I'm doing well, and not well at the very same time. Some things are working and some things aren't. Is that how life is supposed to go? Or, is there ever a time when all things just work? That'd be nice. But, whatever. It is what it is.

Reader 492, I did think of a great superhero the other day...I may have an upcoming story for you yet. Thanks for staying tuned.

To my other 2-3 readers, thanks for continuing to tune in, and comment. I appreciate you all. :-)

The Results are In

2007-05-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

My final results for the last 5k was 46:40.1. Bleh. Oh, well...there's always next time.

To accept, or to not accept...that is the question.

2007-05-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I participated in another 5k. There was no chip timing, and I haven't heard my official time yet; however, I don't know that I beat my previous time. I did a lot more walking than I wanted to. But...I did finish. And, I jogged way MORE than the last one, even if the time wasn't better. So, I'm happy with my accomplishment, at any rate.

I haven't planned my next one, and haven't even been exercising since Sunday, but there will be another one. And, I'll need to figure out training for that next one. I want to beat my previous time so there is NO question about it.

Between softball and working hard during the day, there's not much time for exercise or blogging. So, Reader 492, I'm not sure that I'm up for the challenge at this time...but I will be considering it. And, possibly working on a story for you. Thanks for caring, and for reading. :-)

Random List on a Friday

2007-05-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

1. I seem to have gotten the pressure under control, even just a bit by way of asserting my independence, and asking for help. I'm thankful for understanding and caring friends & family.

2. Lost is making me mad, but on the other hand, The Office is my favoritest show of all-time.

3. Softball season is in full swing (no pun intended), and it's bringing joy to my heart. And, Cierra is pretty good, for never having played before.

4. Work is busy, but it's been fun hanging out with the guys again.

5. Spring has sprung, and the dogs are barking. But, I may have met a champ. :-)

6. Still grieving in the form of my apartment being completely out of control, and not having the gumption to do anything about it. It feels like I'm drowing every time I go home. Yet, I tend to not want to leave either. This can't be good. Please tell me it will end.

7. My weight is going back down again (yay!), and I've been exercising routinely. I measured my hometown path at 2.86 miles, and jogged the whole thing last week, only stopping a few (short) times to walk. I'm very proud of myself - this is a huge accomplishment for me.

8. I'm doing another 5k tomorrow morning, and I'm excited. I'm hoping to actually jog this one, and definitely hoping to beat my previous time of 46:15. Wish me luck!

9. Happy Friday, ya'll!

Under Pressure

2007-05-02T08:44:00.001-07:00

This is definitely how I've been feeling lately. Just sayin'.

Lost Reference

2007-04-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

In honor of Sawyer and Kate...."Love is a Mixed Tape." Nice work!

Mini-Vacation

2007-04-24T11:39:00.000-07:00

I've decided that three days away from work just isn't enough to be considered a real vacation. It's more like a mini-vacation. Not near enough time off work.

My mini-vacation was wonderful. It was our 13th Annual Ladies Retreat for church, and we had a blast. It was one of the best ever. Our theme this year was F.R.O.G. (fully relying on God), and most of us are about sick to death of frogs. There were frogs EVERYWHERE. However, we did manage to have a wonderful time with a musical lily pad game. I was near tears with laughter. And, believe it or not, God even loves cheaters. :-)

We were at Camp Rilea again this year between Seaside & Astoria. They have an excellent facility, and they are most hospitable to our group. Major shout outs! I managed to do a ton of shopping and didn't step foot on the beach...not once. I'm okay with that. We had wonderful weather on Thursday, Friday and Sunday...and only had to put up with the normal Oregon rain on Saturday. Not too bad.

I managed to do a mile run on Friday night around the base, and that was interesting...to say the least. We ran literally head-first into troops conducting night maneuvers and marching...cadence-filled marching, and all. Nice.

I'm sorry to admit that I hardly took any pictures. And, I haven't even uploaded those that I did take.

All-in-all it was a very fun trip, and I wish I were still there.

This is how you know I need a vacation!

2007-04-16T12:50:00.000-07:00

Me: "You're acting weird today."

Brian: "Yeah. Can't I act weird sometimes? ....and can be you be a little more spec..."

Me (interrupting): "Kinda needy. You know like a cat when they need attention. You're like go away, go away, and the cat just keeps coming back for more. Like that."

Brian: "Yeah... I put up with that multiple times a day from Smacky."

Me: "STOP SMACKY-ING ME, BRIAN!"

The List

2007-04-13T11:14:00.000-07:00

I was taking a peek at M4W postings on Craigslist today...just poking around, when I happened upon an idea that sparked my interest.

This man was stating how he'd taken some time to get to know himself, and what he wants in a relationship. He also talked about how he would rather just let things flow in terms of getting to know someone. In explaining this concept, he mentioned that some people tend to "force things to fit" when two people may not really make a good fit. I imagined he was referring to many different aspects of his life, as I tend to imagine people fitting into my world much in the same way when I'm dating.

I think I'm one of those people he was talking about. Instead of sticking to the grocery list, so to speak, I throw things in the cart that don't belong. I end up spending way too much money, and getting many, many more "calories" than I bargained for.

Today's advice, if you choose to accept: Make a list, and stick to it!

Now, if I can just take my own advice....

Quote of the Day

2007-04-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

Here's a great quote...

"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent." – Jean Kerr

Dreaming in Dimes

2007-04-03T11:11:00.000-07:00

As I walked along the sidewalk of a very busy Portland street today, I was much enjoying Sean Nelson sing Flagpole Sitta in my ear. I was bee-bopping along, and spotted a dime on the ground. A fleeting thought, as I passed the dime, questioning myself as to why I hadn't stopped to pick it up. After a little more thought, I wasn't really sure if I normally would have bothered to stop and swoop it up or not. However, on this particular day I was on a schedule. I had a plan, and I didn't figure a dime was worth my time.

While still listening to the same catchy tune by Harvey Danger and continuing my walk, I passed yet another dime. Now, this was a little odd. Some time ago, it was shoes I happened upon in my daily walk. But, not today. Today, it was dimes. What does this mean? It has to mean something, right?

I began wondering if it had something to do with the number 10. Does it mean there's power in numbers? Will something happen in 10 days? What was I doing 10 days ago? Is life only worth a dime? I remember dime store candy... Should I smoke a dime bag? What's the correlation between dimes and nickels, anyway? Does this mean something in terms of my walking?

And then, I began really searching the ground after this...for more dimes? Possibly. Or, for something else that could clue me into what this all means.

I didn't see anymore dimes along my route; however, I did see more numbers. I saw an empty package that read Lucky 7's. Not sure what the package contained, originally. I saw many more cigarette butts than I wanted to bother counting. I saw one golf tee in the bark dust in front of a lovely duplex. What does all this mean? Numbers? Is it really the number 7 that I should concentrate on? Or, could it be the difference between 10 and 7? Is there some significance in the number 3 for me today? I couldn't think of anything. Still can't.

I had a great walk, at any rate. And, I still feel like I'm walking around in a dream. Will someone please wake me?

Get Back in the Race

2007-04-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

I signed up to do the 11th Annual Running with the Wolves 5k yesterday. Brian's going to make sure I get to this race - he's driving. Yay!

I'm excited, and have been working at getting back up to speed with walking/jogging within the last week. I'm nearly where I was before that sad day in February when I stopped taking care of myself for a short period of time. I'm glad that's behind me. No matter what happens in my life, I much prefer to take care of myself...it just feels better.

Thanks to a couple of special friends who continue to encourage me, on nearly a daily basis, to get back in the race...

Questions to Ponder

2007-03-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Will I ever have a valuable post again?

Will I ever truly believe in myself?

Will I ever win the lottery?

Will I ever play the lottery?

Will I, dammit...will I?

Another Quote for the Day and More

2007-03-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark."– Michelangelo Buonarroti

I may very well have posted this quote before. It's a good one. And, so very true. I can speak for myself only, I guess. It's so very true for me.

There have been a few goals lately that I've set and have not followed through. Failure. But, it's okay. I will make more, and I will reach them. I will.

Right now, I'm taking one day at a time. Because that's just the way it has to be.

Picking Up the Pieces

2007-03-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

Death is never easy on anyone. I know this. And, it happens every day, to so many. We are not alone. We do not fear death. But, as you probably know, sudden death is tough.

I'm grateful for so many things, even at this time. My mother is a strong woman who has been an excellent role model for me. I have wonderful family and friends, most all of which have been there for me, on multiple levels, for the past two weeks. Thank you all.

I'm hopeful that the coming posts will be a little more uplifting.

Quote of the Day and More

2007-03-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

"Think it more satisfactory to live richly than die rich." – Sir Thomas Browne

My father passed away on Sunday, March 4, 2007. No one could have lived this quote more than he did.

We were truly blessed to have Russ Hill as a father, a husband, a grandfather, and a great-grandfather.

I know we brought joy to his life, which ended much too soon; however, it could never compete with the joy he brought to our lives.

Rest in peace, dad, I love you with all my heart.

Reeling

2007-03-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

Looking back at the last post I added to my blog, I'm wishing I could go back to that night. I'm wishing for the normalcy I was complaining about not too long ago.

Most of my readers already know this, so forgive me for repeating myself. This is a particularly sad time for me and my family. This is the fourth day after my father had a very bad stroke. It happened Monday evening, around 5 p.m. He's stable, but still in critical condition. They put him into a drug-induced coma when brought into emergency, and he remains unconscious. He appears responsive when we talk to him, at times...but nothing new or different shows on the daily CT scans.

I've experienced a very wide range of emotions from the onset, as you can probably imagine. I'm trying to remain positive, but I'm finding it more difficult than I'd imagined.

And, today is a sad day for me.

DJ, Won't You Play This Girl a Love Song?

2007-02-23T09:15:00.000-08:00

All I can say is Wow.

Last night I went with a some friends from work to see Jamie Foxx. Did I mention WOW?

He's hilarious, he acts, he sings...man, does he sing, and he's an "Oscar winner...but ghetto."

He's quite full of himself; however, who wouldn't be with that much talent...and good looks?

The Portland crowd, although lacking in bodies, was ready for some Jamie Foxx...and boy, did we get some.

We had awesome seats...10 rows back on the floor, smack dab in the middle! I'd swear he was singing directly to us!

Oh, and he had Speedy opening for him. Speaking of hilarious!

An excellent show, all in all. Definitely worth the steep price.